VIGYAN BHAIRAV TANTRA VOL1
Toward the authentic being
VIGYAN BHAIRAV TANTRA VOL1
Toward the authentic being
"IN WHICH WAY DOES THE MODERNIZED ORIGINAL MIND BECOME IDENTIFIED WITH THE DUST OF THE PAST KNOWLEDGE AND EXPERIENCE?"
Mind is pure, and no impurity can enter it. That is impossible. The mind is just the buddha-nature -- the ultimate. And when I say "mind," I don't mean your mind, I simply mean the mind where no I and you exist. You are the impurity. Just behind you is the original mind. You are the dust. So first try to analyze what you are, and then you will be able to understand how the original mind becomes identified with the past, with memories, with dust.
What are you? Right now, if I ask you what you are, you can answer in two ways. One will be a verbal answer, and in that verbal answer you will relate your past. You will say, "My name is this. I belong to this family or that, to this religion or that, to this country or that. I am educated or uneducated, rich or poor." These are all past experiences, they are not you. You have been through them, you have passed through them, they have been the passage, but your past goes on accumulating.
This will be the verbal answer, but this is not the real answer. This is your mind arguing, the false ego. Right now, if you leave all of your past -- if you forget your father, your parents, your family, your religion, your country, all which is accidental -- if you forget all that is accidental and just remain with yourself here and now, then who are you? No name will come to your consciousness, no form -- just a simple awareness that you are. You won't be able to say who you are. You will simply say, "I am." The moment you answer the "who," you move into the past.
You are a simple consciousness, a pure mind, an innocent mirror. Right now, this very moment, you are. Who are you? Just a simple awareness that "I am." Even the "I" is not needed. The deeper you move, the more you will feel just "am-ness," existence. This existence is the pure mind, but this existence has no form; this is formless -- NIRAKAR. This existence has no name; it is nameless -- ANAM.
It will be difficult for you to be introduced by this which you really are. In the society, relating with others, you will need some name, some form. Your past supplies you name and form. That name and form are useful. Without them it will be difficult to survive. They are needed, but they are not you; they are just labels. Because of this utilitarian need, the original mind becomes identified with name and form.
A child is born. He is a simple consciousness, but you have to call him, you have to give him a name. In the beginning, the child will use his own name. He will not say, "I am feeling hungry"; he will say, "Ram is feeling hungry." "Ram "is his name. He will say, "Ram is feeling very angry." Only later on will he learn that this cannot be used in this way; he cannot call himself "Ram". Ram is the name that he is to be called by others. Then he will learn the use of "I."
First he will become identified with "Ram," the name that others call him; then he will become identified with "I." This is utilitarian. You need it. Without it survival will be difficult. Because of this utilitarian necessity, one becomes identified. You can go beyond this identification, and the moment you start going beyond and reclaiming your original consciousness, you have started meditation, and you can start meditation only when you become frustrated with your name and form and the world that belongs to it.
Religion starts when you become frustrated, totally frustrated, with the world of name and form and when the whole thing looks meaningless. It is! Ultimately it IS meaningless. This feeling of meaninglessness of the world that is created around name and form makes you uneasy. That uneasiness is the beginning of a religious search. You become uneasy because with this label you cannot become totally identified. The label remains a label; you remain what you are. This label covers you a little, but it cannot become your totality. And sooner or later you become fed up with this label. You want to know who you really are. And the moment you ask sincerely, "Who am I?" you are on a different journey; you are transcending.
This identification is natural. There is another reason why it is so easy to become identified. This is a room. If I say to you, "Look at the room," where will you look? You will look at the walls. The walls are not the room: the room is just "roominess"; it is not the walls, the walls are just the boundaries of the space that we call "room." But if I tell you to look at the room, you will look at the walls because the "roominess" cannot be looked at.
You are just inner space; your name and form are the walls. They give you a boundary, they give you a definition, they give you a definite place. You can be identified with that definiteness; otherwise you are just a zero, SHUNYA -- a nothingness. That nothingness is there, that inner space is there.
Look at it in this way. You breathe in, you breathe out. If you breathe in and breathe out silently and there is no thinking in the mind, if you are simply sitting under a tree breathing in and breathing out, what will you feel? You will feel that there is outer space, there is inner space. The breath comes into the inner space, the breath moves out to the outer space, but where are you? There are simply two spaces. Your throat is just a door, a swinging door. When the breath comes in, the breath forces the door and moves in. When the breath goes out, it again forces the door and goes out. Your throat is just a swinging door, and there are two spaces -- the outer and the inner. And if this door is broken, then there are not even two spaces -- just one space.
You will become afraid if you feel a nothingness within. You want to be something definable, definite. There is no one who is definite inside; the outer space is infinite and the inner space is also infinite. That is why Buddha insisted that there is no soul, no ATMAN. You are just a vacant space -- infinite.
It is difficult to feel oneself as this infinite space unless you make an arduous effort. One becomes identified with the boundaries. It is easier to feel oneself that way -- with the boundaries. Your name is just a boundary, your body is just a boundary, your thoughts are just a boundary. For outer utility, for your own convenience also, you become identified. Then, once you become identified, accumulation goes on and on and on, and with accumulation you feel a fulfillment of the ego. You are identified with your riches, then you go on accumulating. You have a feeling you are growing greater, bigger. You have a big house, then a bigger house, then a still bigger house, so you feel that you are getting bigger and bigger, and that is how greed is born.
Greed is nothing but an expansion, an effort to expand the ego. But howsoever great you become in your ego, you can never become infinite, and you ARE infinite within. If you can look into the nothingness you are infinite within. That is why ego is never satisfied. Ultimately it is frustrating. It cannot become infinite; it will remain finite.
This is how one always has a spiritual discontent. You are infinite. Nothing less will be helpful for you and nothing less will ever satisfy you. But every boundary is going to be finite. It is needed, it is necessary in a way, useful, but it is not true, it is not the truth. This inner mirror, this inner mind, is pure consciousness -- just consciousness.
Just look at the light. You say the room is filled with light, but how do you see the light? You have never seen light itself, you cannot see it; you always see something lighted. Light falls on the walls, light falls on the books, light falls on other persons. It is reflected on those objects. Because you can see objects, you say light is there. When you cannot see objects, you say there is darkness. You have never seen light pure in itself. It is always seen reflected on some object.
Consciousness is even purer than light. It is the purest possibility in existence. If you become totally silent, all boundaries disappear and you will not be able to say who you are. You simply are, because there is no object you can feel yourself to be in contrast with. You cannot say that you are a subject, soul, or even a consciousness. Because of this purity of consciousness, you always know yourself through something else; you cannot know yourself directly. So when you create boundaries, you feel that you know yourself. With a name you feel you know yourself; with your riches you feel you know yourself. Something around you becomes the boundary and the pure consciousness is reflected back.
When Buddha attained enlightenment he said, "I am no more." When you attain to that state you will also say, "I am no more," because without a boundary how can you be? When Shankara attained, he said, "I am all." Both mean the same. If you are the "all," you are no more. All or nothing -- only two possibilities are there, but in both the possibilities you are not. If you are all, the BRAHMAN, then you are not. If you are not, totally a nothingness, then too you are not. Because of this, it is a necessary part of life to become identified. And it is good, because unless you become identified you cannot become unidentified. Unless you become identified, you cannot become unidentified! At least once, one has to become identified.
It is like this: if you are born healthy and have never been ill, you will never be aware of your health. You cannot be, because awareness of health needs a background of disease and illness. You will have to fall ill to know that you were healthy or what health is. The other pole will be needed. Eastern esoteric science says this is why the world is, so that you can experience that you are divine. The world gives a contrast.
Go into a school, and you will see that the teacher is writing on a blackboard with white chalk. He can write on a white board too, but then it will be meaningless because it will be invisible, it won't be seen. Only on a blackboard can one write with white chalk so that it is seen. The blackboard is a necessity for the white writing to become visible.
The world is just a blackboard, and you become visible because of it. This is an inherent polarity, and it is good. That is why in the East we have never said that the world is bad; we take it just as a school, a training. It is good because only in contrast will you be able to know your purity. When you come into the world you become identified. With identification you enter; the world starts. So you will have to fall ill to know your inner health.
This has been a basic question all over the world: Why is this world there? Why is it at all? Many answers have been given, but those answers are just superfluous. Only this attitude seems to be very deep and meaningful -- that the world is just a background; without it you cannot become aware of your inner consciousness.
I will tell you one story. One man -- very rich, the richest in his country -- became disturbed, became frustrated. He felt that life was meaningless. He had everything that could be purchased, but all that could be purchased proved meaningless. Only something that could not be purchased could have real meaning. He had everything he could purchase -- he could have purchased the whole world -- but what to do now? He was frustrated and deep discontent was within. So he gathered all his valuables, ornaments, gold, jewels, everything, into a big bag, and he started on a journey just to find a man who could give him something valuable, a glimpse of happiness. Then be would present his whole life's earnings to him. He went from one teacher to another, traveled and traveled, but no one was able to give him even a glimpse. And he was ready to give everything -- his whole kingdom.
Then he reached a village and asked for Mulla Nasruddin, who was a fakir living there. A village man told him, "Mulla Nasruddin is just sitting outside the town, meditating under a tree. You go there, and if he cannot give you a glimpse of happiness then forget it. Then you can go to all the corners of the world, but you will never get it. If this man cannot give you a glimpse, then there is no possibility."
So the man was very excited. He came to Nasruddin who was sitting under a tree. The sun was setting. The man said, "I have come for this purpose. My whole life's earnings are here in this bag, and I will give them to you if you can give me a glimpse of happiness.
" Mulla Nasruddin listened. The evening was descending; it was becoming dark. Without answering him, Mulla Nasruddin snatched the bag from the rich man and ran away. Of course, the rich man followed him crying, weeping and screaming. The village streets were known to Mulla Nasruddin; they were not known to the rich man as he was a stranger, so he couldn't find him. From all over the village people from the whole village started following them. Nasruddin was just running round and round. The man was mad. He was crying, "I have been robbed of all my life's riches. I am a poor man! I have become a beggar!" He was weeping -- weeping like anything.
Then Nasruddin reached the same tree, and he just put the bag before the tree and went behind the tree to hide there. The man came there, he fell on the bag, and started weeping in happiness. Nasrudin looked from behind the tree and said, "Are you happy, man? Have you had a little glimpse?
" The man said, "I am as happy as anyone can be on this earth."
What happened? To have a peak, a valley is needed. To feel happiness, unhappiness is needed. To know the divine, the world is needed. The world is just a valley. The man was the same, the bag was the same. Nothing new had happened, but now he said that he was happy -- as happy as anyone can be on this earth -- and just a few minutes before he was miserable. Nothing had changed. The man was the same, the bag was the same, the tree was the same. Nothing had changed, but the man was now happy, dancing. The contrast had happened. Consciousness becomes identified because through identification the world is and through the world you can regain yourself.
When Buddha attained he was asked, "What have you achieved?" He said, "Nothing. On the contrary, I have lost much. I have not attained anything because now I know that whatsoever I have attained was always there; it was my nature. It was never taken away from me, so I have not achieved anything. I have achieved that which was already there, which was already achieved. I have lost only my ignorance."
Identification is ignorance. It is part of this great play -- this cosmic LEELA, this cosmic play -- that you will have to lose yourself to find yourself again. This losing yourself is just a way, and the only way, to regain yourself. If you have lost too much already, you can regain. If you have not yet lost yourself enough, you will have to lose more. And nothing can be done before that; no help is possible before that. Unless you are lost completely in the valley, in the darkness, in the SANSARA, in the world, nothing can be done. Lose so that you can gain. This looks paradoxical, but this is how the world is, how the very process is.
The second question:
IF ONE BEGINS TO FEEL THAT LIFE IS A PSYCHODRAMA, THEN ONE ALSO FEELS DETACHED AND LONELY. THUS, THE INTENSITY, SINCERITY AND DEPTH OF LIVING IS LOST. PLEASE SUGGEST WHAT TO DO IN THIS SITUATION. WHAT THEN IS THE RIGHT ATTITUDE TOWARD LIFE?"
"If one begins to feel that life is a psychodrama, then one also feels detached and lonely...." Then feel it! Why create a problem? If you feel detached and lonely, then feel it! But we go on creating problems. Whatsoever happens, we will create a problem out of it. Feel lonely and detached -- And if you can be at ease with your loneliness, it will disappear. If you start doing something with it to transcend it, it will never disappear; it will remain there. Now a modern trend in psychology and psychoanalysis says that anything can disappear if you remain with it without creating any problems, and this has been one of the oldest teachings of tantra.
For the last ten or twelve years, in Japan, a small psychotherapeutic technique has been in use. Western psychoanalysts and psychiatrists have been studying it. It is a Zen therapy, and it is wonderful. If someone goes neurotic or psychotic, that man or woman is simply put into a lonely room and he or she is told, "Remain with yourself, whatsoever you are. Neurotic? Okay! Then be neurotic and live with it." And the doctors do not interfere. Food is provided, needs will he fulfilled, attention will be given, but there is no interference. The patient has to live with himself, and within ten days he starts changing. Western psychoanalysis works for years, and basically nothing changes.
What happens to this Zen patient? There is no interference from outside. There is just acceptance of the fact that "Okay, you are neurotic. Nothing can be done." Zen says that one tree is small and another tree is very big, so okay: one is small, another is big, and nothing can be done. Once you accept a thing, you are already transcending it.
One of the most original psychiatrists of England, R. D. Laing, has now proposed that if we can leave a madman to himself, just paying loving attention to him, fulfilling his needs and not interfering with him, he will get over his madness within three or four weeks. His proposal is that no madness can last for more than ten days if it is not interfered with. If you interfere, then you prolong the process.
What happens when you are not interfering in anything? You feel lonely, so feel lonely: it is how you are. But when you feel lonely you start doing something, and then you are divided. Then one part of you feels lonely and another part tries to change it. This is absurd. It is just pulling yourself up by your legs or the strings of your shoes -- pulling yourself up to the sky. Absurd! You are lonely, so what can you do? There is no one else to do anything. You are alone, so be lonely. This is your fate; this is how you are. What will happen if you accept it? If you accept it, your fragmentariness will disappear, you will become one, you will be whole -- not divided.
If you are depressed, so be depressed; don't do anything. And what can you do? Whatsoever you do will be done out of depression, so it will create more confusion. You can pray to God, but you will pray so depressingly that you will even make God depressed through your prayers. Don't do that violence. Your prayer is going to be a depressed prayer.
You can meditate, but what will you do? The depression will be there. Because you are depressed, whatsoever you do the depression will follow. More confusion will be created, more frustration, because you cannot succeed. And when you cannot succeed you will feel more depressed, and this can go on ad infinitum. It is better to remain with the first depression than to create a second circle and then a third circle. Remain with the first; the original is beautiful. The second will be false, and the third will be a far-off echo. Don't create these. The first is beautiful. You are depressed, so this is how existence is happening to you at this moment.
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You are depressed, so remain with it. Wait and watch. You cannot be depressed for long because in this world nothing is permanent. This world is a flux. This world cannot change its basic law for you so that you remain depressed forever. Nothing is here forever; everything is moving and changing. Existence is a river; it cannot stop for you, just for you, so that you remain depressed forever. It is moving, it has already moved. If you look at your depression, you will feel that even your depression is not the same the next moment; it is different, it is changing. Just watch, remain with it and don't do anything. This is how transformation happens through non-doing. This is what is meant by "effortless effort."
Feel depression, taste it deeply, live it. It is your fate. Then suddenly you will feel it has disappeared because the man who can accept even depression cannot be depressed. A man, a mind, who can accept even depression cannot remain depressed! Depression needs a non-accepting mind. "This is not good, that is not good; this should not be, that should not be; this must not be like this. "Everything is denied, rejected -- not accepted. "No" is basic. Even happiness will be rejected by such a mind. Such a mind will find something to reject in happiness also.
One man came to me just the other day and he said, "Meditation is going deep and I am feeling very happy, but I am suspicious. This happiness must be illusory because I have never felt any happiness before. I must be in a delusion; so much doubt has come to me. Now, please clarify my doubt." Even if happiness happens to a mind who has been always rejecting, he will feel a doubt about it. He will feel that something has gone wrong. He is happy, so he will feel something has gone wrong. Just by meditating for a few days this is not possible.
A non-accepting mind will "non-accept" anything, but if you can accept your loneliness, your depression, your sadness, you are transcending already. Acceptance is transcendence. You have taken the very ground away, and then the depression cannot stand there.
Try this: Whatsoever your state of mind, accept it and wait for when the state changes itself. You are not changing it; you can feel the beauty that comes when states change by themselves. You can know that it is just like the sun rising in the morning and then setting in the evening. Then again it will rise and again it will set, and it will go on. You need not do anything about it. If you can feel your states of mind changing by themselves, you can remain indifferent, you can remain away, miles away, as if the mind is going somewhere else. The sun is rising, setting; the depression is coming, the happiness is coming, going: but you are not in it. It goes and comes by itself; the states come and move.
"IF ONE BEGINS TO FEEL THAT LIFE IS A PSYCHODRAMA, THEN ONE ALSO FEELS DEPRESSED AND LONELY." So feel it! "THUS, THE INTENSITY, SINCERITY AND DEPTH OF LIVING IS LOST." Let it be lost, because the sincerity and depth that can be lost was not real. It was pseudo, false, and it is better that the false thing is lost. How can a real depth be lost? The very definition of a "real depth" is that it cannot be lost, no matter what you do. If you can disturb a buddha, then he is not a buddha. Whatsoever you do, he remains undisturbed. That unconditional undisturbance is the buddha-nature. The real cannot be lost. The real is always unconditional.
If I love you and I say, "Don't be angry; otherwise my love will be lost," then the sooner such a love is lost, the better. If the love is real, whatsoever you do makes no difference; the love will remain. And only then does it have any worth.
So if just by looking at the world as a psychodrama, as a drama, your intensity, your depth of living is lost, then it is not worth preserving. It was false. Why is it lost? Because it was really an act in a drama, and you were thinking that it was real so you felt it was deeper. Now you know it was just a drama. If it was just a drama and the sincerity is lost, the sincerity was false. You were thinking it was real, and it was not real. Just by looking at life as a drama, it disappeared.
It is just as if a rope was there lying in a dark room and you felt that it was a snake, but there was no snake. Now you come with a lamp, and with the lamp the snake is lost and only the rope remains. If with the lamp the snake is lost, then it was never there.
If you look at life as a drama, that which is false will be lost and that which is real will, for the first time, appear in you. Wait! Let the false be lost, and wait! There will be a gap, an interval, before the false disappears and the real comes. There will be a gap. When false shadows will have disappeared completely and your eyes will not be filled by them, and your eyes will have become detached from the false shadows, you will be able to look at the real that was always there. But one has to wait.
"PLEASE SUGGEST WHAT TO DO IN THIS SITUATION." Nothing! Please don't do anything. You have created a mess because of too much of your doing. You are such a good doer, you have confused everything around you -- not only for yourself, but for others also. Be a non-doer; that will be compassion towards yourself. Be compassionate. Don't do anything, because with a false mind, a confused mind, everything becomes more confused. With a confused mind, it is better to wait and not to do anything so that the confusion disappears. It will disappear; nothing is permanent in this world. You need only a deep patience. Don't be in a hurry.
I will tell you one story. Buddha was traveling through a forest. The day was hot -- it was just midday -- he felt thirsty, so he said to his disciple Ananda, "Go back. We crossed a little stream. You go back and bring, fetch, some water for me."
Ananda went back, but the stream was very small and some carts were passing through it. The water was disturbed and had become dirty. All the dirt that had settled in it had come up, and the water was not drinkable now. So Ananda thought, "I shall have to go back." He came back and he said to Buddha, "That water has become absolutely dirty and it is not drinkable. Allow me to go ahead. I know there is a river just a few miles away from here. I will go and fetch water from there."
Buddha said, "No! You go back to the same stream." As Buddha had said this Ananda had to follow it, but he followed it with half a heart as he knew that the water would not be brought. And time was being unnecessarily wasted and he was feeling thirsty, but when Buddha said it he had to go.
Again he came back and he said, "Why did you insist? That water is not drinkable."
Buddha said, "You go again." And as Buddha said it, Ananda had to follow.
The third time he reached the stream, the water was as clear as it had ever been. The dust had flowed away, the dead leaves had gone, and the water was pure again. Then Ananda laughed. He brought the water and he came dancing. He fell at Buddha's feet and he said, "Your ways of teaching are miraculous. You have taught me a great lesson -- that just patience is needed and nothing is permanent."
And this is Buddha's basic teaching: nothing is permanent, everything is fleeting -- so why be so worried? Go back to the same stream. By now everything should have changed. Nothing remains the same. Just be patient: go again and again and again. Just a few moments, and the leaves will have gone and the dirt will have settled again and the water will be pure again.
Ananda also asked Buddha, when he was going back for the second time, "You insist that I go, but can I do something to make that water pure?"
Buddha said, "Please don't do anything; otherwise you will make it more impure. And don't enter the stream. Just be outside, wait on the bank. Your entering the stream will create a mess. The stream flows by itself, so allow it to flow."
Nothing is permanent; life is a flux. Heraclitus has said that you cannot step twice in the same river. It is impossible to step twice in the same river because the river has flowed on; everything has changed. And not only has the river flowed on, you have also flowed on. You are also different; you are also a river flowing.
See this impermanency of everything. Don't be in a hurry; don't try to do anything. Just wait! Wait in a total non-doing. And if you can wait, the transformation will be there. This very waiting is a transformation.
The third question:
"THE PRACTICE OF WITNESSING MAKES ME QUIET, STILL, AND SILENT, BUT THEN THE FRIENDS AROUND ME SAY THAT I HAVE BECOME SERIOUS. THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME SUBSTANCE IN WHAT THEY SAY. PLEASE EXPLAIN HOW ONE CAN GROW SIMULTANEOUSLY IN STILLNESS AND PLAYFULNESS."
If you have really become silent, you will not pay attention to what others are saying. If others' opinions are still important, you are not silent. Really, you are waiting for them to say something or for them to approve and appreciate that you have become silent. Your silence needs their approval? You need them to certify it? Then you are not confident that you have become silent.
Others' opinions are meaningful only because you don't know anything. Opinion is never knowledge. You go on gathering others' opinions because you don't know what you are, who you are, what is happening to you. You have to ask others, "What is happening to me?" You have to ask others? If you are really silent, quiet, still, then there are no friends and no opinion is meaningful. Then you can laugh. Let them say whatsoever they say.
But you become affected. Whatsoever they say goes deep in you; you become disturbed. Your silence is false, forced, cultivated. It is not a spontaneous flowering within you. You may have forced yourself to be silent, but you were boiling within. Then the silence is just on the surface. If someone says you are not silent, or if someone says this is not good, or if someone says this is false, then you are disturbed and the silence is gone. The silence is gone, that is why you are asking me this. "THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME SUBSTANCE IN WHAT THEY SAY." You have become serious. So what is wrong in being serious? If you are born serious, to be serious, you will be serious. You cannot force playfulness; otherwise your playfulness will be serious, and you will destroy the whole play. There are serious players. They get so serious in their games and plays that it becomes even more anxiety-creating.
I was reading the memoirs of someone who was a great industrialist, much worried with day-to-day problems. Someone suggested golf: "Play golf. That will be anxiety-reducing." He started playing golf, but he was the same man. He became so excited about his golf that he couldn't sleep, he was playing the whole night. The industry was a burden, and now golf became a second burden -- and a stronger one. He played golf, but with a serious mind, the same mind.
If you are serious, you are serious. Nothing can he done about it. Be serious and remain serious. Then you have already started being playful; then you are playful about your seriousness, not serious about it. You take it as a play, so you say, "Okay, God has given me this role, so I will be a serious man and I will play my seriousness." Then it will have disappeared deep down. Do you understand me?
You can create seriousness out of your playfulness or you can create playfulness out of your seriousness. If you are a sad one, a serious one, tell everyone, "I am born serious and I am going to remain so" -- and don't get serious about it. Be! Simply be, and then you can laugh about it and it will disappear. And you will not even become aware of when it has disappeared.
And don't pay attention to what others say. This is a disease. They will drive you crazy -- the others. Who are these others and why are you so much interested in them? They drive you crazy and you drive them crazy because you are the other to them. Why pay so much importance to others' opinions? Pay attention to your own experiences and remain true to your own experiences. If you feel good in being serious, it is okay! If you feel you have become quiet and silent and still through your practice of witnessing, why be interested and why be disturbed by what others say?
But we are not confident, so we must gather others' opinions. We must go on a signature campaign: "You think I have become a buddha, so please sign." When everyone signs it and you have gathered many signatures, at least the majority, you think you are a buddha. This is not the way to be an enlightened one.
"AND PLEASE EXPLAIN HOW ONE CAN GROW SIMULTANEOUSLY IN STILLNESS AND PLAYFULNESS." One grows! There has never been any case that is otherwise. One grows simultaneously in stillness and playfulness, but if your stillness is false then the problem arises. All those who have known silence have always been playful, non-serious. They could laugh, and they could laugh not only at others, they could laugh at themselves.
Bodhidharma entered China fourteen hundred years ago, from India. He put one of his shoes on his head; one was on one of his feet and one was on his head. The Emperor of China, Wu, had come to welcome him. He became disturbed. There were many, many rumors, of course, that this man was strange, but he was an enlightened one and the emperor wanted to welcome him to his Kingdom. He became disturbed. His courtiers, they also became disturbed. What type of man was this? And he was laughing.
It was not good to say anything before others, so when everyone had gone and Bodhidharma and the emperor retired into Bodhidharma's room, the emperor asked, "Please tell me, why are you making such a fool of yourself? Why are you carrying one shoe on your head?"
Bodhidharma laughed and said, "Because I can laugh at myself, and it is good to show you my reality. I am such a man, and I don't pay more importance to my head than I pay to my feet; both are the same to me. Higher and lower have disappeared. And, moreover, I want to tell you that I don't pay any significance to what others say about me. This is good. The first moment that I entered, I wanted you to know what type of man I am."
This Bodhidharma was a rare jewel; very few have existed who can be compared to him. What was he showing? He is simply showing that on this path of spirituality you are to go alone as an individual. Society becomes irrelevant.
Someone had come to do an interview with George Gurdjieff. The man who came was a big journalist. Gurdjieff's disciples were very much excited because now the story was going to be in a big newspaper, and their master's photo and their master's news was going to be published. They cared very much; they paid much attention to the journalist. They virtually forgot their master, and they hung around the journalist. Then the interview began, but really, it never began. When the journalist asked some questions to Gurdjieff, Gurdjieff said, "Wait a minute."
Just by his side was sitting a lady. Gurdjieff asked, "What day is today?" The lady said, "Sunday." Gurdjieff said, "How is that possible? Just the day before it was Saturday, so how can it be Sunday today? Just the other day you said it is Saturday, and now it is Sunday. How, after Saturday, can Sunday come?"
The journalist stood up. He said, "I am going. This man seems to be mad." All the disciples just couldn't understand what had happened. When the journalist had left, Gurdjieff was laughing. What others say is not relevant. Be authentic to what you feel, but be authentic! If real silence happens to you, you will be able to laugh.
It is said about Do-zen, one Zen master, that when he attained enlightenment many people asked, "What did you do after that?" He said, "I ordered a cup of tea." What is there to do next? Everything is finished. And Do-zen was serious about his playfulness, playful about his seriousness. Really, what remains?
Don't pay much attention to what others say and remember only one thing: don't force and cultivate stillness. A cultivated stillness will be serious, ill, tense. But how can a real silence come to you? Try to understand this. You are tense, you are unhappy, you are depressed, angry, greedy, violent. A thousand diseases are there. Still, you can practice silence. These diseases will be within you, and you can create a layer of silence. You can do transcendental meditation; you can use a mantra. The mantra is not going to change your violence, neither is it going to change your greed. It is not going to change anything deep. The mantra can just give a tranquilizing effect. Just on the periphery, you will feel more silent. This is just a tranquilizer, a sound tranquilizer, and tranquilizing is possible through many ways -- many ways. When you repeat a mantra continuously, you become sleepy. Any continuous repetition of a sound creates boredom and sleep. You feel relaxed, but this relaxation is just on the surface. Within, you remain the same.
Go on practicing a mantra every day, and you will feel a certain stillness -- but not really, because your diseases have not changed, your personality structure remains the same. It is just whitewashed. Stop the mantra, stop the practice, and all your diseases will come up again.
This is happening everywhere. Seekers move from one teacher to another. They go on moving, practicing, and when they stop their practice they find they are the same; nothing has happened. Nothing will happen in this way. These are cultivated silences. You have to go on cultivating them. Of course, if you go on cultivating them, they remain with you just like a habit, but if you break the habit they disappear. A real silence comes not by just using some superficial technique, but by being aware of all that you are -- not only being aware, but remaining with the fact of what you are.
Remain with the fact. This is very difficult because the mind wants change. How to change violence, how to change depression, how to change unhappiness? The mind seeks change to create somehow a better image in the future. Because of this, one goes on seeking this and that method.
Remain with the fact, and don't try to change it. Do this for one year. Fix a date, and say that "From this date, for one year, I will not think in terms of change. I will remain with whatsoever I am; I will just be alert and aware." I am not saying that you are not to do anything, but that alertness is the only effort. You have to be alert, not thinking in terms of change; remaining whatsoever you are -- good, bad or whatsoever. One year, with no attitude of change, just being alert, suddenly one day you will find you are no more the same. Alertness will have changed everything.
In Zen, they call it "zazen" -- just sitting and doing nothing. Whatsoever happens, happens; you are just sitting. Zazen means just sitting, doing nothing. In Zen monasteries, monks will sit for years, the whole day. You will think they are meditating. They are not! They are just sitting silently. And by silence it is not that they are using some mantra to create any silence; they are simply sitting. If a leg goes dead, they feel it. They are alert. If the body feels tired, they are alert: the body feels tired. This is how the body has to feel. If thoughts are moving, they know it. They are not trying to stop them; they are not trying to push them away. They are not doing anything. Thoughts are just there like clouds in the sky, but they know the clouds cannot destroy the sky: they come and go.
So thoughts are moving in the sky of consciousness; they come and go. They don't force them, they don't stop them, they don't do anything;. They are just alert that the thoughts are moving. Sometimes depression comes, a cloud; everything becomes shadowy. Sometimes happiness comes, a sunshine; everything starts dancing, as if flowers have opened all over the consciousness. But they are not disturbed by either this or that, by cloudy weather or by sunshine. They just wait and see that things are moving. They are just sitting on the bank of a river, and everything goes on moving. They don't try to change anything.
If a bad thought comes, they don't say, "This is bad," because the moment you say, "This is bad," you have a greed to change it. The moment you say, "This is bad," you have pushed it away; you have condemned it, and you would like to change it into something good. They simply say this is this, that is that -- no condemnation, no evaluation, no justification. Simply, watching, witnessing.
Sometimes they forget witnessing. Then too they are not disturbed. They know that "Of course it is so," that "I forgot to witness; now I remember and I will witness again." They don't create any problem. They live what is. Years come and go, and they go on sitting and seeing what is.
Then one day everything disappears. Just like a dream, everything disappears and you are awakened. This awakening is not a practiced thing; this awakening is not cultivated. This awakening is your nature, your basic nature. It has erupted because you could wait patiently and watch, and you didn't create any problems. Remember this as a very basic thing: don't create problems. don't create problems!
One lady was here just two or three days ago. She said, "My mind is sexual, so what can I do?" Someone else came and said, "I feel very inferior; an inferiority complex is there. What can I do?" So I told that man, "You feel inferior, so feel inferior; know that you feel like that. What to do? There is nothing to do. One feels sexual, so feel sexual. Know that you are sexual." But the moment I say such things to someone, he feels shocked. He had come for a technique to change himself.
No one accepts himself; you are such enemies to yourself. You have never had any love for yourself; you have never been at ease with yourself. And this is surprising: you expect everyone to love you, and you yourself cannot even love yourself. You are so against yourself, you would like to shatter yourself in every way and create another. If you were allowed you would create another man. And you would not be satisfied with that either because you would still remain behind it.
Love yourself, accept yourself, and don't create unnecessary problems. And all problems are unnecessary; there are no necessary problems. I have not come across any. Remain with your "facticity," and transformation will happen. But it is not a result, you cannot force it to happen. It is a consequence, not a result. If you accept yourself and remain alert, it comes. You cannot force it, you cannot say that "I will force it to come." And if you force, a false thing will happen to you, and then that false thing can be disturbed by anyone -by anyone --
The last question:
"YOU SAID THAT ACCEPTANCE TRANSFORMS BUT WHY IS IT THAT WHEN I ACCEPT MY SENSES AND DESIRES I FEEL THAT I HAVE BECOME ANIMAL-LIKE INSTEAD OF TRANSFORMED?"
This is your transformation; this is your reality. And what is wrong in being an animal? I have not seen a single man who can be compared to any animal. Suzuki used to say, "I love a frog, even a frog, more than a man. Look at a frog sitting near a pond: how meditatively a frog sits! Look at him, how meditative he is -- not disturbed by the whole world going on, just sitting and sitting and meditating, one with existence." Suzuki said, "When I was unenlightened I was a man, and when I became enlightened I became just like a cat."
Look at a cat: she knows the secret of how to relax and she has not read any books about relaxation. How to relax? Look at a cat. No man can be a better teacher than a cat. The cat is relaxed and alert. If you relax, you go to sleep. The cat is alert even in her sleep, and the body is so flexible, so relaxed in every moment.
What is wrong in being an animal? Man, through his ego, has created comparisons. He says, "We are not animals." But no animal would like to be a human being. They are at ease, at home in existence. They are not worried, they are not tense. Of course, they don't create any religion because they don't need to. They don't have any psychoanalysts -- not because they are undeveloped, but because they don't need any.
What is wrong with animals? Why this condemnation? This condemnation is part of the human ego. Man thinks in terms of being the superior one, the highest in the hierarchy. No animal has consented to this hierarchy. Darwin said that man has evolved out of monkeys, but if you ask monkeys I am afraid they will not say that man is an evolution; they will say he is a degradation. Man thinks himself as the center. There is no need for this. This is only egoistic nonsense.
If you feel like being an animal, nothing is wrong in it. Be one, and be one totally -- and be one with full alertness. That alertness will first uncover your animal because that is your reality. Your humanity is just false, skin-deep. Someone insults you, and the animal comes out -- not the human being. Someone condemns you, and the animal comes out -- not the human being. It is there, and your humanity is just skin-deep. If you accept everything, this skin-deep humanity will disappear. This is a false thing, and you can become aware of your real animal. And it is good to become aware of reality. If you go on being alert, within this animal you will find the divine. And it is always better to be a real animal than to be an unreal man. Reality is the point.
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